I’m on a bridge.

Hello readers,

It's been a big feels kind of week for me.

I've recently listened to "Reinvent your Life" - by Mel Robbins - a fantastic 17 episode series on reinventing your life and moving through big transitions. Throughout the series Mel compares life transitions to being on a roadtrip. Step one: pull over and check your mile marker. You need to know where you are in order to be able to make any changes. Step two: figure out which direction you want to go. We all have a compass within, the key is to be able to tune into its frequency in order to be able to hear it. Step 3: how to start driving again - something not quite as simple as it seems. Step 4: once you start driving, you're then on a bridge - a transition between your past self and the future self that you made the change for in the first place.

What I realized very quickly in listening to this series is that I'm in the middle of this process. I'm on that bridge. I'm proud that I'm on that bridge, but it hasn't been easy. Each step of the way, I've had to check my expectations at the door - this process is different than I thought it'd be. Not better or worse. Just different. I expected that upon leaving my home state back in June, I'd have a month off and then would return to work within two months. I expected that I would immediately be so full of energy and life. That I'd be exporing and adventuring all summer. While this is a glorious picture, it's not what going through major change looks like. I know that now.

This process has instead looked like me - having days of resting and doing nothing. Finding small routines in unexpected places. Learning to rely on others more than I had been. Recalibrating how I've grown used to talking to and about myself. Working on healing and on recognizing myself again. I wouldn't change anything or have it any other way. Because I've realized that this is what growth looks like.

I sat down to write today with little expectation - unsure of what I wanted to write, but this is what I needed to write. I'm still on the bridge. The bridge between what my life was, and what I want it to be. It isn't as simple or easy as I imagined it would be, and I lately I've been stuck in a place of fear. That's another unexpected element of all I've done this summer - re-facing fear again and again as I've been deconstructing many parts of my life.

I'm very excited to be working towards what's next - even if it means being on the bridge a while longer. At the end of this chapter of my life, I know I will have been so glad and proud that I did it.

My mottos during this time have been "do it scared", and "I cannot get to where I want to be/who I want to be, without going through what I'm going through right now". Other topics I've been thinking a lot about lately are growth, being outside of my comfort zone, risk, expectations (from others and myself), rest, and creating an intentonal life for myself. I'm going to journal this week on what my anchors are, what my vision is for where I'm going, and what my parachutes are.